Army, posons!

I decided to diversify everyday topics a little with no less ordinary household items. And I wanted to tell you about the army (at least how it was for me). I’ll describe my impressions at the end so as not to blur the general perception (although I’m sure it will work out).

So, I need to start with the fact that I graduated from university this year and managed to work for almost six months. My health is normal (almost no one has excellent health these days). Therefore, an interesting piece of paper came to me with an order to appear at the military registration and enlistment office. Well, then everything is as usual: commissions with a bunch of additional examinations, queues, doctors’ swearing, fuss trying to get comfortable, collecting papers, etc.d. etc.n. Who needs it already knows or will find out when the time comes. Whatever the point. Due to the fact that giving a year of your life to SUCH service to the Motherland did not smile at all, I made a little fuss and messed up my service in the reserves (I’m almost from Belarus. That’s what we call it). In fact, you have to serve for about 4 months in 3 calls. T.e. It turns out you have to come 3 times in 2 years for a month and a half each. Stylish, fashionable, youthful and does not interfere with work so much.

My service began with the military registration and enlistment office, which was quite enjoyable by watching the multi-episode remake of “Quiet Dawns” for as many as 6 episodes, which we never finished watching (by the way, I’m now downloading episode 6 to find out how it all ended). At the military registration and enlistment office itself we were gathered in one room (about 90-110 people). How the herrings fit and for about 8 hours we were transported to military units.

Most of all I remember arriving at the unit and receiving uniforms, which were extremely unusual. Especially 2 pairs of underpants and beluga. Naturally, the dimensions in extremely rare cases coincided with the required. So we looked quite funny.
Oh well. We received our gear and moved on to mastering the basic military wisdom:
1. Making the beds. Align the bed frames and stripes on the blankets so that everything is in one line. At first it seemed like terrible stupidity, but then we somehow got used to it. In general, order in the army is a very funny thing. Characterized by the following phrase “Everything should be parallel and perpendicular. Everything else is lying around".

2. Haircut. They cut me short on the first night after lights out. True, my hair has grown a lot in a month, so there’s nothing to grieve about. It was rather funny and interesting. There may also be options for nozzles 3 and 6. Everything else is patlas.

3. Shaving. You need to shave every day. There is no warm water, so cold water + frequent scraping with a razor = beautiful red inflamed faces, like baboons’ asses. This is wonderful. It is also necessary to add here the need to point the edging. (this is just the hairline on the back of the head). And this same edge should be straight and clearly distinguishable. But since I was “Under zero”, I forgot about this topic for almost 3 weeks.

4. Folding clothes. Well, here everything casino-palm.com/ is by example. The jacket does not unfasten completely and can be worn like a T-shirt or golf shirt. In general, you can’t do without demonstrative styling. But here’s the point: if you fold it badly, the stool with your clothes will turn over and you’ll have to go and look for it all over the cockpit. same with beds. They simply turn over if they are tucked in poorly and not repelled.

5. And finally, the nightstand! At first, no one knows where, how and what to put. But sergeants cannot always answer this question correctly. The company sergeant helped to figure it out. His method was simple and effective. The first time, he simply threw out everything unnecessary from the nightstands (someone even managed to get a jar of salad stuck in the nightstand). The second time, everything that was out of place was almost thrown into the trash. It’s simple.

Well, it’s natural to take care of your uniform and shoes – that goes without saying.

If everything is clear with the first points, then it was very interesting to get used to army life. The first 3 days dragged on forever. It seemed like we had been in the unit for a month already. Then we entered the channel and somehow it became calmer. By the way, what kills is monotony. I will try to give an approximate daily routine.
1.Wake up at 6.00.
2. Charging 6.10 – 6.30.
3. Breakfast 6.50.
4. Morning check for the presence of all the necessary crap and appearance 7.20.
5. up to 8 hours correction of defects.
6. from 8 to lunch (13.30). Classes. this is a separate topic. I’ll describe them later.
7. Accordingly from 13.30 to 14.00 lunch.
8. from 14.00 to 18.30 – classes.
9. 18.30 – dinner.
10.19.00 – 20.30. — free time (also need to go into more detail).
11. 20.30 – 21.00 – walk. From the walk only the name. In fact, we walk in formation at a marching pace with songs. Veselukha.
12. 21.00-21.30 — watching the program “Panorama”. This is our Belarusian news. Well, there’s no point in even writing about this. Kind of vomit.
13. 21.30-21.40 evening check.
14. 22.00. – lights out.
And so every day. Is it that the classes are different?. Moreover, classes are generally “fun”. Either you sit for 3 hours on a chair in the barracks and fight boredom and sleep, or you work hard on the parade ground, or at some kind of work. It’s really interesting.
Sometimes I was glad to have free time because I could watch a movie. But almost all of my free time was usually wasted on hemming the collar and going to the horizontal bars every night (this is optional).

You really feel the differences in the periods of time before the oath (they constantly beat you up and don’t leave you alone) and after the oath (it’s somehow more free here + lack of drill).

I would like to note the following point. When people join the army, they immediately take their nipples in a vice. Everyone fights: sergeants, ensigns, officers. In general, you have to get rid of yourself, profile somewhere, etc.d. etc.n.

And if we (reservists) were released from the vice after the oath (there was no point in torturing us for a week), then the conscripts will be released from the vice only 3-4 months later (after the dushmanka). I truly feel sorry for them.

The difference between people in the army is very significant. All of the reservists (ours specifically) had higher education, and some even had two. And the difference in development was felt terribly clearly (this is when comparing conscripts who only graduated from schools and technical schools). It’s no big deal. But there is one detail that really makes everything worse. You’re really getting dumber. They think about you all the time. And you’re just not supposed to think. Moreover, the decisions made for you are not always normal. I would even say almost always senile. And it’s terribly mind-numbing.

As you have already noticed, my thoughts and emotions have already started. So let me get to the main point. The army is such stupid bullshit that it just makes you shiver. And military people (as our company commander said, “military monkeys”) are so imbued with this that they often cease to be as adequate as before the service. And what’s funny is that officers who have become “military” (I will use this word to denote the military thing that amazes me) achieve career growth an order of magnitude better than adequate smart and reasonable officers. Something like this.
In general, the state of affairs can be described by the phrase “we carry the round, but we roll the square”. And so it goes. All through the soft spot. 5 decisions from different commanders in 3 minutes. You can imagine what happens after this.
There is no logic in this. Therefore, we explained to ourselves what was happening with the phrase “This is an army.”. And I noticed that over the past month too much has been explained by this phrase.
But there were bright sides to all this. These are company commanders and their expressions. A very charismatic personality, whom you could follow and write down phrases. Well, for example (Caution a little MATA!):

1. As my grandfather said, I am your grandfather!
2.I’m telling you idiots!
3. You are idiots and I am an idiot with you.
4. Let’s do everything crap! But pussy doesn’t come from the word pussy, but from the word fuck!
5. Where is this war monkey?!

It’s impossible to convey all this without swearing, so I apologize. (by the way, in the army you swear quite a lot more than before).

Oh yes! Dining room! What really pleased me was the food. (or maybe I’m just lucky that I’m an arillerist and our unit had normal food). In general, the food was normal, but monotonous. So by the end of our “walk”, fish for dinner and barley for breakfast were already causing nausea. But overall everything is edible and in the required quantity.

Well somehow. At the end of February I will go to serve again. This time to the training ground. Shootings and all that. So for now I’m just resting.

Summarizing everything that has been said. There’s nothing to catch there. No matter what anyone says (Debt to the Motherland and blah blah), it’s a waste of time. You can’t get anything useful out of there (maximum license category C). I’m not against the army at all. I’m against the stupidity that’s going on there. And while she is what she is, there is absolutely nothing to do there.